Diary of an Honest Mom

Navigating Your Nos: What Part of Motherhood Is Hard to Say No To?

Libby — Mon, 13 Nov 2023 15:01:56 +0000

Discover what part of motherhood is hard to say no to, as we chat about self-care and saying ‘yes’ to yourself.

Whether you’re a new mom or a seasoned one, it feels like the question “what part of motherhood is hard to say no to?” continues to come up again and again and again.

I spent a long time feeling like nothing was negotiable if I wanted to be a good mom. Everything felt like a priority and figuring out what to say no to was just more work.

As a mom, it’s easy to feel like you’re on autopilot. Saying yes to snacks (so many snacks), playdates, visits with the in-laws, treats, playing on the floor, that toy in the store, and on and on the list goes on.

But when’s the last time you checked in on yourself?

I was talking with a friend the other day about how so many of us as moms, tend to push our needs down the to-do list, not because we enjoy it, but because it is so easy to forget that we’re even on that list.

But how the heck are we supposed to keep all the plates in the air if we have too many plates and never say no?

So when and where should we say no as a mom? It’s hard to say no, especially when everything feels important and when the people in our lives come to expect our yeses, if we want to feel better and have the time and energy to be present and whole, we have to say it. N-O.

Grab your coziest blanket and let’s unpack this together.

The Struggle to say ‘no’ as a mom

If there’s one universal truth about motherhood, it might just be that saying ‘no’ often feels like climbing a mountain with no peak in sight.

Why do we struggle with it?

We’re managing a delicate balance, trying to keep everyone’s world spinning, often at the expense of our own.

Here’s the thing: our ‘yes’ can become automatic, a reflex, not because it’s what we want but because we’re so accustomed to putting our needs, our desires, and sometimes even our wellbeing as a mom on the backburner. We say ‘yes’ because we fear the alternative – the melt down, letting someone down, seeming selfish, or just the potential chaos of breaking routine.

Isn’t amazing how we find ourselves saying ‘yes’ when every fiber of our being is screaming for a ‘no’?

When your child begs for just one more story, and you’re flippin’ exhausted
When your kid begs for a playdate and you feel too guilty to say no
Agreeing to volunteer for the school event because no one else stepped up.
Taking on extra projects at work to show you can juggle work and motherhood.
Hosting family gatherings, because it’s expected, even when it’s the last thing you need.
Helping out friends whenever they ask because that’s what good friends do, right?
Participating in every community event to show support, despite craving time at home.
Crafting perfect holidays and birthdays, chasing the ideal over your own peace.
Cooking the healthiest meals, engaging in the comparison game with other moms.
Committing to a fitness regime that doesn’t fit your current lifestyle, just to ‘fit in’.

The list goes on, an endless cycle of ‘yeses’ that can leave us feeling drained, undervalued, and at our breaking point with motherhood.

Also read: Keeping Moms Oppressed and Depressed – A viral movement against the gaslighting of burnt out women

Finding the Honesty to Say 'No'

The antidote to this cycle? Radically assessing what is most important and being relentless about treating our priorities like priorities. And newsflash: you are a priority. It’s cutting through the noise of social expectations and the overwhelm that comes with them.

It’s about getting honest with ourselves about what we can handle, what brings us joy, and where our boundaries lie. It’s realizing that our ‘no’ isn’t just a rejection, but a powerful affirmation of our own needs and values. It’s realizing how much it empowers us to say enthusiastic yeses.

So let’s start small, with one honest ‘no’ at a time. Let’s reclaim the space to breathe, to live, to be more than just ‘mom’ – but a person with dreams, limits, and the right to rest.

Before we can say no - we need to get honest with ourselves

What the heck does it mean to be honest?

The basic definition of honesty is: to tell the truth. To state facts accurately, to the best of your knowledge and ability.

❓ But what does it mean to be honest with ourselves? Simply observing and stating the facts of our lives just isn’t good enough.

💡 We deserve to redefine what it means to be honest with ourselves to encompass not only how busy we are – but how well we’re coping with all the things we pile on to our daily to-do lists in the name of love and motherhood.

Practising real honesty in our lives involves radical and compassionate acknowledgment of the realities of the many facets of our lives. Doing this work leads to greater self-awareness, allowing us make choices that align with what’s best for us. Practising honesty in this way helps us to live more authentic and whole lives.

It’s what helps us to be whole while raising whole humans well.

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Redefining being honest with ourselves

So what does it mean to redefine being honest with ourselves? 🤔

Well, the short answer is that I want us all to start actively acknowledging and assessing the realities of our lives – with the intention of actually making internal or external changes that have a positive impact on us.

I want you to think about it. Really think about it. Being honest with yourself means taking the time to consciously think about and assess your life in a way that helps you see your worth and treat yourself as such. What responsibilities do you have and what is your capacity to actually carry them out?

How many meals do you cook in a day? In a week?
How often are you having to be the household admin?!
How many car rides have you taken to get them where they need to go?
How many lists have you made?!
How many times have you changed a diaper, wiped a butt, blew a nose, rubbed a back during a tummy bug?
How many nights have you been awake caring for others?
How many hours have you listened to crying while you provided comfort through your own exhaustion?

Just… LOOK. Look at what you do for everyone, every day, every hour. 💝

Sitting down with yourself and taking a thorough look at your life helps you to realize what’s most important – and even what’s not important at all.

Take a look at everything that’s currently on your plate, look at everything you have to give – and what you can realistically expect of yourself.

Think about your health and overall wellbeing. Are you able to relax? Are you able to simply exist, to look at your daily world and simply enjoy your current state of being?

Or, do you think you need to come up with realistic changes to your current daily life that will increase your wellbeing and your ability to be the person (and mom) you want to be?

Also read: How to set boundaries with family and children.

👉 Honesty is an intentionally and consciously assessing our lives and then making choices that give us time and energy back- and it’s grounded in reality. It’s a practice. A way of living.

Being honest with yourself is not meant to be mean-spirited, or brutal, or hopeless. It’s not about beating ourselves up or dwelling on our mistakes, or pointing fingers at ourselves for our faults.

We all have (or want) that one friend who listens to our struggles non-judgmentally – who’s there to hear us cry or laugh or rage or scream.

And being honest with ourselves means giving ourselves permission to be that way for ourselves. We are telling ourselves the TRUTH, about how much we matter, about what is most important to us, about how much we are carrying, about how much we have to give and about what needs to change so that we can treat our priorities…like priorities.

Taking the time to sit down and be honest with yourself about how well you’re coping is a realistic, factual, and empathetic way of checking-in with yourself and making changes for yourself. It helps you to say no, and do it with confidence. It helps to fight the guilt of letting others down.

Taking time to practice honesty with ourselves is a way to acknowledge the things that are hard about the daily grind of motherhood. It helps us acknowledge these hard things with intention, in order to figure out how to make it less hard.

It’s a way of giving ourselves the same support we’d give someone we love. It’s a way of tuning in to our deepest struggles and our deepest needs – and giving ourselves permission to make changes that will help us feel better so that we can do better, too.

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How to practice honesty: the 5 Cs

So… how does one practice honesty with themselves? I came up with a little reminder that I use myself that I call “the 5 Cs.”

1. Compassion

What is it?

Self-compassion means being gentle with ourselves, permitting ourselves to have faults, and loving ourselves anyway. Being honest with ourselves about our worth and our value is a part of self-compassion.

Compassionate self-honesty means admitting our inherent worth and right to wholeness, and acknowledging how our struggles impact us in a way that motivates us to make things better for ourselves. 💗

Why is it important?

Being honest about our worth, and extending compassion to ourselves is the first step to being honest because it creates a safer atmosphere to be vulnerable in. It allows us to open up for help, to ease some of the pain that may come with truly looking at what’s getting in the way of our wholeness.

Knowing deep within that we are not perfect, that we have limitations and that we deserve wholeness regardless of everything else, is the necessary first step to confronting hard things. Confronting the hard things is necessary to change them.

2. Clarity

What is it?

Clarity is defined as transparency or purity. Our ability to see clearly our needs and our priorities.

Radically assessing and re-ordering what truly matters to you right now based on your family, your own personal needs, your values, your responsibilities, your priorities.

Why is it important?

Being honest and getting clarity on what is most important to us helps us to refocus where we could or should be spending our limited time and energy. With intentionality, it means stepping back to ask ourselves what matters and in what order. It helps us to muffle the noise that comes from the outside world on all the things we “should be” focusing on, or how much of our capacity we give to those things.

Clarity about our priorities helps us to focus, to reset the proverbial table and to feel more confident in our choices.

3. Circumstances

What is it?

To evaluate your circumstances is to thoroughly and truthfully take an in-depth inventory of what our lives really look like from the outside.

Why is it important?

Assessing our circumstances means taking a granular look at our daily lives. We need to look at the internal things that impact us (like our mental health, mindsets, and past trauma) to the outside things (like where we live, play, and work).

It means looking at the quantity and quality of our relationships, the level of resources and support we have, and getting a much more realistic picture of what drains us or fills us up.

Every person (mother) is living (and mothering) in an entirely different set of circumstances – even if they look the same on the outside. And these things inevitably will affect how we perceive and experience life (and motherhood). We need to have a full picture of our own lives before we can determine how much we actually have to give to others.

Also read: 10 self-care tips for moms with little to no support system

4. Capacity

What is it?

An evaluation of our capacity will look at how much time, energy, and mental bandwidth we actually have to give to the many things (and people) that require or ask for our help.

Why is it important?

It is necessary to understand our capacity in a way that is truly representative of what we have to give in order to make any changes at all. So often we look at how much we wish we had or what we expected we would have or what others have, and we end up basing our expectations and choices off of those things.

When we are honest about our actual capacity and radically accept it as truth, it helps us to divide our time, energy and capacity much more accurately, leading us to struggle less and to be more assured with the choices and changes we make.

5. Change

What is it?

Change means actively and consciously altering our mindset, expectations, or behaviour – with compassion, with clarity, and with awareness of our circumstances and our capacity in mind.

Why is it important?

Actually changing our mindset, expectations and/or behaviour is what changes how we perceive and experience life. It is how we build self-awareness, empathy or others, time and space to do the things that make us us and contribute to our well being. Using this framework for change increases our confidence in our decisions.

Only with radical honesty about all the things, can we accurately synthesize all the important information related to our lives, families and well-being. Change is important – and the last step to actually making things better for ourselves.

Also read: Healing from generational trauma: boundaries and empathy co-exist

Embracing the Challenge: What Parts of Motherhood Are Hard to Say No To?

From morning to night, it’s clear that there are parts of motherhood that are incredibly hard to say no to- some we literally cannot say no to From the spontaneous requests for attention to the planned commitments that fill our calendars, it can often seem like motherhood is a never ending reel of yes, yes, yes. But if you really pay attention, there are opportunities to say no.

If you are honest, there are things that could go on the chopping block that you’ve never considered putting there. Doing it, saying NO, gives us more time and energy for the things we want to say yes to. Saying yes to ourselves, is essential, even if it goes against the grain or everything you have been taught about what it means to be a good mom.

The people we cherish also deserve the most whole version of us — one that isn’t frayed at the edges from too many commitments or lost in the myriad tasks that motherhood entails. They deserve the version of you that’s replenished and vibrant, capable of giving the best because you’ve honored your needs first.

If you need a little help with practicing honesty, you can get prompts that will help you and help you start to realize you are a good mom in my Honest Mom Journal.

You’ve got this – and you’re not alone.

If you found these tips helpful, sign up for The Honest Mom’s Insider Circle. You will be notified when new blogs are posted, and hear about all of the new and exciting things that are going on in my corner plus much, much more.

I’m on TikTok and Instagram @diaryofanhonestmom – connect with me here for daily content and updates!

Remember you deserve the same level of care from yourself that you give to others.

The post Navigating Your Nos: What Part of Motherhood Is Hard to Say No To? appeared first on Diary of an Honest Mom.

Mom Journal: Why a mom diary will help you start believing you’re a Good Mom

Libby — Thu, 27 Jul 2023 18:50:46 +0000

Discover the Honest Mom Journal Today

A Mom Journal Helps to Stop Comparing and Start Looking Inwards

Spoiler alert: Starting a mom journal is one of the best ways to reduce stress and overwhelm, stop negative self talk and start increasing compassion and confidence.

Before I put pen to paper and began my own honest mom journal, let me take you back to where it all began…

It was about 4 years into my motherhood journey when I finally gave up the idea that I could do it all, and I have been intentionally working on that mindset ever since.

That is a long time to work towards an unattainable goal and I wish I had more guidance on this topic earlier.

The mental battles I would go through day-to-day were killing me and my lack of reality checking as to what any normal human being can do in a day meant that no matter what I did or where my priorities were, it never felt enough.

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In this blog you will find:

Some of my personal struggles with feeling like a good enough mom

Encouragement to stop comparing and start looking inwards
Access to the FREE printable “The Honest Mom Journal”
The journal I created: The Honest Mom Journal

Dear mom diary…What’s A “Good Mom?”

Clean, cook, shop, play, organize, plan, be present, practise self-care, read, relax, research…the list goes on.

When I would make a mistake or not live up to my own expectations my inner voice was quick to judge:

“You’re an idiot.”
“You are not cut out for this.”
“You can’t do this.”
“Why do you always do this?”
“You are a bad mom.”

I would never say or even think these things about other moms. But for me? It was easy.

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Naturally, I looked to other moms in my life or to social media to see what they were doing.

It started off as a desire to learn, to expand my knowledge on different ways to do things, to get ideas for how to run my household and what kind of parent I wanted to be.

The beauty of community, of relationships and even social media is that we can lean on one another and draw from one another’s perspectives and expertise. But the problem is that we have no context, no understanding of the full picture and therefore no realistic measuring stick to our own circumstances- not that we should be comparing anyway.

My love for my children made me want to learn how to be a good mom to them, but it also led me to making unrealistic comparisons with moms who had vastly different value systems, support systems, circumstances and vastly different children. And that caused me to have unrealistic expectations of nearly everything in my life, particularly my motherhood.

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Peek Into My Mom Journal to See How I Faced My Own Realities As a Mom

Take a look at some key points from my own mom journal to peek into my circumstances at that time in my life.

Some challenges:

My children were 4 and 2.

The youngest had faced many challenges ever since he was an infant and every time I thought things would get easier, they didn’t.

I was worn down from multiple years of not enough sleep.
I was parenting two children around the schedule of my partner who worked a continental 12 hour day/night shift pattern.
I was parenting a toddler who was highly sensitive, struggled with eating, sleeping and was showing signs of a communications disorder. I spent a great deal of time in his therapies and researching how best to support him.
My in-laws lived in another country, and my own parents were reliant on me for support. I was parenting with little family or support
I became a part of the sandwich generation but with young children at home.
I was trying to reparent and heal my traumas from my own childhood in therapy including my perfectionist tendencies and people-pleasing patterns.
I was overwhelmed and overstimulated nearly all the time and dealing with triggers that came from it.
I was in the midst of overcoming postpartum depression and unknowingly had ADHD.
I was working part-time and volunteering nearly full-time.

Some supports & resources:

I had an active partner who took on many parenting responsibilities with me and who shared in the domestic load at home.
We had enough money to get by and had access to healthcare.
I had the time and opportunity to work on myself.
My four year-old was very independent and always willing to help.
I has good friends to support me
I was actively trying to maintain my mental health and seeking growth.

The combination of the kids I was parenting, the struggles I was facing and the values I was not acknowledging made me feel like no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I couldn’t measure up. I never felt good about who I was or what I did when I laid my head down at the end of the day.

Something had to change.

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Knowing You Are Good Mom Comes from Looking Inward Instead of Comparing Outward

Constantly looking at what everyone else was doing and comparing myself to everyone else’s highlight reel made me try to be the best at everything.

I eventually realized many of the things they were great at, weren’t actually a big priority for me. I just never took the time to ask myself what I thought was important, or how I WANTED to spend my time, or what I had the capacity to do.

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When I dug deep and did the work to look inwards I realized that I instinctively trusted other people’s priorities, knowledge and values, more than my own. I assumed others knew better than I did. But they didn’t have the same challenges OR privileges. They also didn’t have the same values. I finally realized that’s okay. I had to trust myself and my own awareness of my life.

For example: my best friend had an immaculately clean house all the time. And for years I shamed myself for not being able to keep up. When I finally accepted that I just didn’t care that deeply about the baseboards or the fashion in which towels are folded. I saved myself an incredible amount of time AND heartache.

I eventually saw that other moms weren’t parenting my kids. They didn’t have my trauma. They didn’t have my husband. They had different types of support and knowledge. They had different amounts of time to do things. They had different challenges.

Most importantly, they prioritized and valued different things. Not better things, different things.

Dear Mom Diary…Getting Honest With Ourselves About What Being a Good Mom Means To Us

We all want to be good moms. We all want to do right by our kids and raise confident, healthy, balanced kids who are good citizens in the world. I think so anyway.

The beauty of this world is that goal can be achieved in so many different ways. Other people don’t have a handbook you don’t have.

As parents, we are going to make mistakes and fall short of both our own expectations and what our kids need sometimes. We are human beings. But the truth of the matter is that we only have so much capacity and that capacity is dependent on so many different aspects of our lives.

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When we are truly aware of and honour the challenges we are facing, we can get a realistic idea of what we can get done in a day, how much time we can give to certain tasks and how we can prepare ourselves for what will inevitably go wrong. It also helps us to fight mom guilt and give ourselves grace for the not-so-perfect moments. It is important to do this instead of berating ourselves.

Also, when we are truly aware of the supports and resources we have- we are better able to use them!

It helps us to have perspective and gratitude for the things we have going for us. It also helps us to have them at the forefront of our minds so that when we are riding the struggle bus, we see opportunities for support. Whether it is remembering the mom friend you met at the park, or remembering your mom is close by and can offer support, or remembering you have enough money to hire a cleaner, seeing the good helps us to help ourselves when things are hard.

We don’t all have everything. We just don’t. Even when it looks like someone else does.

If you want to believe you are a good mom you’ve got to stop berating yourself for things out of your control, for not measuring up to the people around you, for not being perfect, for not being good at things you were never taught, for being human. You can’t do that without honouring your circumstances, your lived reality and your values.

Mom Journaling: Being a Good Mom Involves Taking Time to Think About Your Circumstances, Your Capacity and Your Values

I am going to give you a list of things to get honest about when trying to become more aware.

These are things you can reflect on in your own mom journal.

At the end you will find a link to the Honest Mom Journal and a special discount to encourage you to start journaling today. It’s an awareness journal that I created to help moms who struggle to believe they are good moms.

This list is non exhaustive:

Finances
Support people/ village
Mental health
Access to community resources
Physical health
Number of children
Children’s abilities or disabilities
Partner status (partnered or not)
Level of support from partner
Other responsibilities (volunteering or supporting parents)
Work status (part-time, WFH, SAHM, full time)
Friendships

Our circumstances, our capacity and even our values will change. Sometimes these circumstances change with life stages. Other times, circumstances change day to day. This is why our awareness needs to be constant. This awareness is beneficial too because it means you might be in a stage with multiple circumstances:

your house is a disaster more than you’d like
you have 3 kids under 4
everything else going on lets you say to yourself “this is fine, it’s not a reflection on me as a mom.”

But it also means that years down the road, you can reassess and focus on the tidiness and design more. It doesn’t mean you are then a better mom than the mom of littles, it means your circumstances and priorities change. That is normal.

Take this list and use it when you begin your own Honest Mom Journal: The struggling moms guide to struggling less.

Click below to buy The Honest Mom Journal.

The Honest Mom Journal

If you’re thinking about starting your own mom journal or mom diary, I’d love for you to try the journal I created for moms to struggle less.

It’s an 8 week journal intentionally designed to help you to let go of some of the unrealistic expectations and damaging mindsets that stop you from seeing the good stuff.

Get honest about your values, supports and limitations so that you can manage expectations and realize how good of a mom you actually are.

We’re all imperfect moms mothering under imperfect circumstances. Struggle less in motherhood by embracing this truth and letting go of what is unnecessary.

You can explore the Honest Mom Journal here.

Does this resonate with you?

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3 Benefits of Journal Prompts for Mental Health

Libby — Thu, 27 Jul 2023 14:26:32 +0000

If you’re new to journal prompts for mental health – you’re not alone.

While it’s a tool new to so many of us, in reality, writing down what we’re thinking or feeling is an age-old practice – something most of us did a lot in childhood.

I have been writing down my mental problems since before I hit puberty. Let’s say…since I was 10? I struggled a lot, words on paper helped.

I had my own diary at home, top secret of course, and at school I would bite at any opportunity to write about the goings on in my head and life. We’d be asked to write about:

Our favourite things
What we did over the weekend
What emotions we were feeling [I had a lot]

The list goes on.

Then, enter adulthood and for me, motherhood.

After the birth of my second child, I lost myself. You can read more about my journey with postpartum depression and mental health here. As part of my journey to mental wellness and the path to rediscovering myself, I began to explore, learn about and try a number of mental wellness tools, included but not limited to:

Going to therapy
Reading self-help books
Taking medication
Following generational trauma healing Instagram accounts
Practicing self-care
Starting a mom journal

Journaling Prompts for Mental Health

Journaling for mental health has been one of my favourite and one of the most powerful tools for my overall wellness & healing throughout the years, and because it’s:

cost-effective
easy-to-do
requires very little time

This is why I am bent on sharing the benefits of journal prompts for mental health with as many people as possible.

Because it helps me. Because it’s accessible. Because it’s a realistic and an attainable way to start changing your life.

In fact, I’m such a fan of journaling, I’ve even created my own journal for moms called The Honest Mom Journal: The struggling mom’s guide to struggling less.

The Honest Mom Journal: The struggling moms guide to struggling less.
See it on Amazon:

In this blog you will find

What journaling prompts are
How they work
3 benefits of journaling for mental health
How to start using journal prompts today

>>At the end, try one of my own journal prompts that I use every morning

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What is a journal prompt?

Journal prompts are meant to guide and support you by providing some focus and gentle thought provoking jump-off points.

Usually, therapeutic journal prompts are centered around a specific theme or topic designed to elicit a deeper level of reflection.

Some examples of journal prompts for mental health are:

I think my anxiety is trying to tell me ______________
One thing I’m holding onto that I’d like to release is ______________
Emotions I try to avoid are ______________

While I personally love writing, for so many of us – and occasionally me – starting with blank empty pages or a blank screen can be anxiety provoking.

Journal prompts to process emotions

Journal prompts for mental health are designed to make writing down your thoughts, feelings and emotions easier – and for moms with very little time to spare, they are a godsend.

I like to look at the journal prompts that I use daily as a type of supportive coach who’s on my side – gently redirecting my negative or unhealthy thought patterns and steering me toward mental wellness and self-discovery.

Journaling for mental health

Journaling for mental health is a productive and constructive way to process your emotions and develop a deeper connection with yourself- and if you are a mom the domino effect of this helps you to be the mom you want to be to your kids.

It’s one of the best tools out there to:

Strengthen your emotional intelligence
Manage feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, stress or depression
Release feelings

Therapeutic journal prompts

Many therapists, out-patient and in-patient mental health programs now use journaling as a therapeutic way to address anxiety, depression and other mental health disorders.

But you don’t need to have an official mental health diagnosis to benefit from journaling for mental health.

Too many of us are in a constant state of business.

Whether it’s work, parenting, scrolling, or a packed schedule of non-stop social events – being too busy can result in losing a connection with ourselves and avoiding difficult emotions.

[Newsflash: avoidance does not make our problems go away]

Journaling is one of the most effective ways to slow down and take a moment to invest in your own mental wellbeing.

When you journal for mental health you:

Pause and reflect on what’s going on in your life
Take a moment to acknowledge uncomfortable emotions
Gain insight into thought patterns or behaviours
Build a positive dialogue and relationship with yourself

And, there’s a lot of neuroscience to back these benefits up.

The science behind journaling and writing things down

If you really want to achieve a goal – you need to write it down. That’s what the self-help and wellness gurus everywhere tell us anyway. It turns out there’s a ton of neuroscience behind this.

Putting pen to paper:

Improves memory
Helps to create a clear vision
Encourages greater cognitive processing in your brain

Recent research from a 2022 study shows how writing and journaling about stressful events with the purpose of focusing on exploring and making sense of what is happening in your life can help you heal.

Journal prompts for moms

Another study – one that’s close to my heart – showed how mothers developed more optimism and gratitude when they began a mom journal focusing on self-care, emotional well-being and positive thinking.

So, what does this all mean?

Taking the time to actually write down our thoughts, feelings and journal about our deepest emotions and life experiences is the best way to actually process what’s going on in our inner worlds.

Through journaling we can develop new coping mechanisms and tools that directly improve our day-to-day emotional wellbeing.

Let’s dive deeper into three of the top benefits of journaling for mental health – three of which I’ve personally experienced.

Benefit #1: Journaling for mental health improves our self-talk

Using journal prompts for mental wellbeing is one of the best ways to strengthen our positive self-talk: something I have personally done A LOT of work on.

Self-talk is something we all do whether we’re consciously aware of it or not. It’s directly influenced by our subconscious and it can be both positive and negative.

Depending on what’s going on in our life, how much access we have to stress management tools and how much we’ve practiced positive self-talk – our self-talk has the power to bring us confidence and comfort or chip away at our self-esteem.

Journal prompts can help us start a new dialogue with ourselves that motivates us and helps us practice self-compassion.

The right prompts can help you:

Cut through your shame
Stop comparing yourself to others
Start finding grace and positivity

You deserve to be kind to yourself – you don’t need others to validate who you are.

Benefit #2: Journal prompts for mental health help us re-discover ourselves

Journal prompts are one of the best ways to deepen your self-exploration to discover your authentic self away from who you are as someone’s partner, parent, co-worker or friend.

Answering journal prompts intended for you to become aware and reflective of your innermost thoughts, emotions, hopes and stressors will help you cut through the daily clutter and spend time listening to one of the most important people in your life – yourself.

Understand more about your own personal capacity to manage stress
Focus on what’s going well and what you are grateful for
Learn what’s missing, what roadblocks you are facing and what you need
Discover points of pride

Most importantly, learn what’s really a priority for you – not just those around you.

Benefit #3: Journal prompts for mental health help set your priorities straight

Spending time on journal prompts designed for private reflection – away from what your friends are doing, away from what’s happening in your social feed, and away from the needs of your partner, kids or coworkers is one of the best ways to really find out what’s a priority for you.

So many times I’ve said that comparison is the thief of joy – and it’s also a major distraction from what you really want.

As a recovering perfectionist, I now use daily journal prompts to:

Set my daily priorities – what’s a realistic to-do list?
Adjust my expectations
Internalize that I can’t do it all

Here’s an example from my own journal: The Honest Mom Journal:

How to get the most out of journal prompts for mental health

There are so many great resources out there to begin using journal prompts for mental health and it’s important to find tools and techniques that work for you.

Here are three tips that helped me build journaling into my own daily routine.

Pick a journaling tool with prompts that speak to you

Before you begin journaling, consider what you’re hoping to get out of journaling.

Do you want to decrease anxiety?

Learn more about yourself?

Practice more self-love?

Begin a healing journey from trauma?

Find guided journals that really speak to you and provide prompts that make you feel curious and connected.

Self care journaling prompts

In my case, I was looking to struggle less as a mom. I was tired of starting my day overwhelmed with a never ending to do list and ending my day thinking of all the things I did wrong or that I didn’t get done. I was tired of feeling like a bad mom.

I couldn’t find a guided journal that honed in on helping me let go of unrealistic expectations and damaging mindsets that kept me from seeing myself as a good mom.

So I created my own guided Honest Mom Journal with prompts designed to reduce mom guilt and overwhelm while increasing self-compassion and confidence. It began to work immediately, as it did for the countless people who began to write to me to tell me so.

Start a simple journaling routine

Like so many new routines, we start out with the best of intentions and then find ourselves feeling like we haven’t lived up to our expectations.

I highly recommend you don’t make journaling each day a time consuming task – and give yourself grace if you skip a day or even a few.

Place your journal somewhere it’s realistic for you to have a moment to do a reflection.

The best places I’ve heard people place their journals are:

Beside the coffee machine

At their bedside table

In their purse or back-pack

Beside the oven

Putting your journal near a daily activity where you have to wait for something to be done – like your coffee, dinner or before an appointment – is the best way to make it easy for you to take time to reflect.

Don’t overthink it - just start writing

Journaling for your mental health shouldn’t become a task or stressful project.

While any new routine takes time to feel comfortable, you can set yourself up for journaling success by taking the pressure off.

Go with the first thing you feel in your gut

Know there are no right or wrong answers

If thoughts don’t go to mind, think about your physical feelings

If you’re new to journaling for your mental health – remember like any new skill, journaling takes practice.

Final thoughts and a journal prompt

One of the number one reasons I’m so passionate about journaling is because it’s an accessible tool that anyone can use in their own home.

Not everyone can access therapy.

Not everyone can take medication.

Not everyone has the resources for other self-care resources.

Journaling is something anyone can do as long as they have access to a pen and paper.

If you’re thinking of trying journal prompts for mental health, or looking for journaling prompts for moms, I’ve left one below as a starting point. Take 2 minutes to reflect and write down your response.

I am feeling guilty for_______________

If you’re a mom who’s struggling, or you know a mom who might be struggling, take a moment to explore The Honest Mom Journal.

It’s an 8 week journal internationally designed to help moms let go of the unrealistic expectations and damaging mindsets that stop moms from seeing the good stuff.

Order your journal today

Does this resonate with you?

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The post 3 Benefits of Journal Prompts for Mental Health appeared first on Diary of an Honest Mom.

Moms: How to Set Boundaries with Family and Children

Libby — Thu, 27 Jul 2023 14:01:28 +0000

The ONLY way I have time to read!

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

If you’re here it’s likely because you’ve been searching for help with “family boundaries” and “boundaries with kids.”

This term has made its way around the mental health and well-being sectors and is a must at home, in the workplace, and within all other relationships. It’s also an important aspect of self-care because having boundaries allows us to have control over what’s going on in our lives and create a calmer environment that we can thrive in… but what ARE boundaries and what does setting boundaries with family and children look like?

Also read: Navigating your ‘no’s’ – What part of motherhood is hard to say no to?

What are healthy boundaries?

According to PositivePsychology.com,

“Healthy boundaries are those boundaries that are set to make sure mentally and emotionally, you are stable. Healthy boundaries can help people define their individuality and can help people indicate what they will and will not hold themselves responsible for”.

Boundaries can be both emotional and physical and as a mom, it’s tough to create boundaries with your spouse, children, and even with your parents or extended family and friends. Sometimes, those we love most are the ones that require the most boundaries. This might mean putting up new boundaries with kids, or boundaries with your family.

I used to think I was being selfish for putting my needs before others; but I am not, and neither are you.

Taking care of my own need for space, time, peace and anonymity is essential to showing up rested and authentic for my family.

I used to think it was selfish to say ‘yes’ to myself and ‘no’ to my family. I used to feel guilty for needing a break from my kids. I used to feel the need to answer the phone EVERY TIME it rang if I was within earshot of it because if I didn’t, I’d be ignoring whomever was on the other line, and that wasn’t nice. It was almost like I didn’t feel like I deserved my own space or my own boundaries and that I was responsible, in a sense, for their happiness.

That was me before discovering that having boundaries actually allows me to show up as a better and fuller version of myself because I’m not constantly filling the cups of others while allowing mine to run dry. So let’s get into it.

@diaryofanhonestmom You’re done, you’re done #relatablemom #relatable #motherhood #parenting #momlife #thehonestmom #honestmotherhood #realmomlife ♬ original sound – Nick Martin

Here are my top 5 tips to set healthy boundaries with family:

boundaries with kids Tip #1: It’s OK to Say No

The school is asking for volunteers. Your kids are asking for a double sleepover this weekend. Your partner wants to go out with their friends – in one hour, and you’ve just started making dinner. These are all moments where you are being asked for something and have the option to decline.

Saying no can be one of the simplest but most difficult actions to take when setting a boundary, particularly for people pleasers and empaths. See here for my thoughts on how I used to think I was an empath and people pleaser until I realized my childhood trauma conditioned me to be this way. We want to say yes because we want to make them happy, and when we don’t, well, mom guilt.

What made learning to say no easier was knowing it could be done in a kind and respectful way, and remembering that I am modelling a behaviour I want to pass on to my kids. By watching me say ‘no’ when I need to, they will understand it’s ok and follow suit.

Saying no in a nice way could look something like this:

Response to kid’s event – Having a double sleepover sounds like so much fun! It’s a lot of work for mommy and I want to make sure that I am prepared so how about we plan something for {insert date here}.

Response to spouse leaving last minute – Awh man that sounds fun. I would rather you postponed going until after dinner. I wasn’t prepared to do this on my own tonight and am already feeling overwhelmed.

Boundaries With Family Tip #2: Check in with Yourself

Kids are hungry, so you feed them. Partner had a rough day, so you console them. Your mom calls to talk about her new garden in detail, so you listen. These are examples of you giving yourself to your family and fulfilling their needs.

Checking in with yourself helps you to set boundaries because it ensures your needs are met either before meeting the needs of anyone else, or at the very least, simultaneously.

When was the last time you ate? Are you feeling ok? Do you need to take a moment to journal about something hard you’re dealing with right now? Have you been running around all day and need to rest? If you have an unmet need and your kids are asking you to play with them, your boundary would be letting them know that you can’t play right now because you need to fill your own cup, whatever that may be, and when you are finished, you’ll come play. (Or not! That’s ok too!)

Also read: Mom Journal – Why A Mom Diary will Help You Start Believing You’re A Good Mom

@diaryofanhonestmom fighting that guilt hard #momlife #motherhood #overwhelmed #respectfulparenting #relatable #relatablemom #honestmom #momlife ♬ оригинальный звук – Мария – Stories • SMM • Фриланс

setting boundaries with family Tip #3: What You Share is Your Choice

One example of physical and emotional boundaries that many women have been revealing they are not setting for themselves are the ones surrounding pregnancy and childbirth. I’m just going to list a few of the areas boundaries could be created because there are just so many:

Who is in the room when the baby is born
What tests, procedures and medications you are ok with
Who comes to visit at the hospital
Who gets to touch the pregnant belly
What comments get to be made about the pregnant woman’s body
Any and all unsolicited parenting advice
Who visits family at home
Who holds baby

You don’t need to tell anyone ANYTHING that makes you uncomfortable. Your body, how you’re feeding your baby or where they sleep, and everything in between is personal and unique to you and your immediate family. No one needs to touch your belly, and no one has the right to hold your baby unless you are comfortable with it. So many moms have regrets about the boundaries they didn’t create during the delicate, fragile and intimate moments of their pregnancy and after the baby is born.

This applies to other areas of your life. If you don’t want your in-laws knowing your financial situation, that’s totally fine. Set a boundary.

If your sister believes that your parenting style is ‘too gentle’, respectfully let her know that you appreciate her concern and know that she is speaking from a place of love, but you are going to parent your children in the way that feels comfortable to you and that this is no longer a subject of discussion. In a nice way, of course!

Healthy Boundary Tip #4: Make a List

Not another list… Yes, another list! But THIS list will make it easier for you to complete the tasks on the other lists because setting boundaries can give you a sense of calm and control in your life, allowing you to focus on the lists on lists on lists.

Make a list of the moments that make you feel overwhelmed, stressed, angry, frustrated, upset or uncomfortable. Now, look at these situations and check to see if there is somewhere you could set a boundary that would help alleviate some of the surrounding negativity. I often look at the list and then prioritize them, then cross off the ones at the bottom so I can focus on what is most important and don’t get lost trying to fix everything all at once.

They don’t need to be big moments either. If making dinner with your kids running around triggers you, and they don’t play alone quietly for any length of time, have that be the time they’re allowed to watch their favourite show or play their favourite video game.

Boundary created: You are not ok with being surrounded in chaos while completing important time sensitive tasks, like cooking. See? When you break it down like this, it’s simple, right?

Also read: 3 Benefits of Journal Prompts for Mental Health

Boundaries with Family Tip #5: Ask for help

Asking for help can be really hard and is most certainly a part of boundary setting.

It is a boundary because it also lets others know we aren’t invincible and that our time is in fact limited. So maybe they can’t help, but they’ll be much more understanding the next time you do have to say no :)

There are so many lovely people out there who would be willing to help us. Sometimes they even offer, repeatedly, but our response is always the same ‘Oh thank you so much! I’m ok though’. But we’re not. And that’s not ok.

You don’t need to be falling a part at the seams to say “yes please”.

There is so much truth in the phrase ‘It Takes a Village to Raise a Child’, isn’t there? So when you feel the need to be alone, daily, weekly, monthly, whatever it is you require, try and find your village. If there are no grandparents or caregivers that can step in, ask a friend, hire a babysitter if the budget allows, or, as noted in tip #4, use screen time. Remember: You DESERVE this. And the more you ask others for help, the more they’ll feel like they can do the same.

Also read: 10 Self Care Tips for Moms With Little to No Support System

The Boundaries With Family & Kids Helps Us to Enjoy Motherhood Because we Have Energy for the Yeses

I hope these tips helped you understand how to create healthy boundaries with your family and that you can feel good about it. This will help you show up more as the person you want to be by establishing strong values you hold for yourself, and will show your family that it is healthy, and that it’s ok, and that they can do it too!

I’m on TikTok and Instagram @diaryofanhonestmom – connect with me here for daily content and updates!

And remember to say no, more. You are worth it.

- Libby

The ONLY way I have time to read!

The post Moms: How to Set Boundaries with Family and Children appeared first on Diary of an Honest Mom.

10 Self-Care Tips for Moms With Little to No Support System

Libby — Sat, 15 Jul 2023 15:09:52 +0000

The ONLY way I have time to read!

Self-care tips for Moms Without a Support System Feels Like a Myth

Everywhere you turn on the internet there’s someone telling you that you need to practice more self care. “Take care of yourself” “Take some me time” “Prioritize you!” “Take breaks!”

Sure, it sounds like a great idea, but in the world of moms it feels like a far off dream world. Practicing self-care tips for moms especially if you don’t have a support system is beyond difficult.

Some moms are single.

Some moms are with partners who work a lot and are rarely home.

Some moms have partners who don’t act like partners or take any part in giving them time to themselves.

Some moms don’t have family nearby.

Some moms are estranged from their family.

Some moms don’t have a village. Actually, many don’t…

Whatever the reason for not having enough support to make self care a realistic part of your life as a busy mom, it is valid and a very serious issue. Even if you find yourself Googling “i have no support system,” it’s still critical to know the importance of taking care of ourselves as moms is integral to the family unit, to our health and wellbeing, and to our relationships. And yet oftentimes, we put ourselves last.

According to a recent study, a shocking 78 percent of women said they often put off taking care of themselves in lieu of taking care of their families. That’s not okay.

In this blog I am going to share 10 self care tips for moms which will help you get the nurturing, care, and time you deserve. These self care tips for moms are specifically geared to moms without a support system. You deserve to get back to feeling a little more like you and you deserve to not feel like an exhausted, worn out, and frustrated version of yourself.

In this blog discover:

You Matter: Why It’s Important to Value Your Own Well-Being as a Mom
Mom Tips for Self Care When Your Village Doesn’t Exist
Why Self-Care Tips for Moms Benefit Short Term and Long Term Well Being

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by The Honest Mom (Libby) (@diaryofanhonestmom)M

You Matter: Why It’s Important To Value Your Own Well-Being as a Mom

When I became a mother it was biologically necessary for me to put myself last.

Because I breastfed my first baby, I was often up many times in the night, every night, to feed her. She was completely reliant on me. As the parent who was her main caregiver while my husband was at work I was often the one going without enough sleep, foregoing my own meals to tend to her needs, and being unable to take showers or care for my physical body or mental state because there was no other option.

That’s how it started.

But somewhere along the line, it wasn’t necessary that I put myself last anymore and yet I still chose to do it. It felt good to be needed, to be wanted, to provide love and care and nourishment. And before I knew it, it was just a habit. And then there was that small martyrdom tendency I had developed which made me feel important for constantly doing things for others. In a small way it made me feel like I was a better mother for being selfless. My ultra independence made me feel good until it didn’t.

Until those feelings became exhaustion, until I became isolated from my old life and a version of myself I recognized, until I became resentful of my husband and everyone else around me, until I felt like I was invisible, until I felt like I had dug the hole so deep I didn’t know how to get out, until I became miserable and burnt out.

@diaryofanhonestmom the struggle is real #momlife #momguilt #sahm #workingmom #momsoftiktok #momsover30 #realmomlife #motherhoodunplugged #momsgetit ♬ original sound – Wonders of Magic

So many moms experience burnout and it’s usually after years of trying to carry an unbearable load alone. Many of us don’t have support as well. But we make the load heavier by BELIEVING it has to be that way, and by BELIEVING that we are in fact less important than our children.

In order to really truly practise self care and feel the benefits of it without being weighed down by guilt, we need to accept that while our children may need our nurturing and care, so do we. We are in charge of saying “I deserve this” “I deserve rest” “I deserve to fuel my body” “I deserve to have energy” “I deserve to feel good” “ I deserve to feel whole.” If we don’t prioritise ourselves, who will?

And when we get moments to feel like us again, to rest, to play, to have fun, to go to therapy, and to just be our own human- we come back better equipped to love, nurture and care for the little humans that rely on us so much. For me, I’m less crabby, more energetic, less resentful, more fun, and more engaged when I take intentional time to step away and focus on me.

Caring for yourself is not selfish, it’s selfless, because it is in taking care of ourselves that we become our best selves FOR our families.

If you’ve found yourself thinking “I have no support system,” you know it’s unbelievably lonely and hard. There is no one there to tell you that you matter, you are worthy, you are deserving and you should take breaks. Unfortunately, we have to be the ones to tell ourselves that. And if you need some more convincing, check out this Tiktok I made on why you matter.

Also read: 3 Benefits of Journal Prompts for Mental Health

mom Tips for Self-care for Moms Without a Support System

1. Say no to mom guilt

Mom guilt is a universal phenomenon and not to be taken lightly, because if you’re feeling guilty, you’re not able to access the benefits of taking care of yourself. Now this tip may not sound like it’s self care, but it is. It is the valuing of your own self as worthy. And if that is not self care I don’t know what is.

If you’re stuck: Remind yourself that you are just as human as your kids are and just as deserving of a chance to practise self care. Remind yourself that you are doing the best with what you have, and that by taking care of you, you are better able to take care of them.

2. Follow a Schedule

It takes discipline to make and follow a schedule with our kids, there is no doubt about that. But the benefits are endless. When we establish clear expectations for our kids, it helps to create more harmony and calm in our homes. We have enough time for getting ready in the morning, for meal times, for bedtime routine etc, when we don’t feel like we’re constantly in a rush we can create space and time for ourselves. Otherwise, one hour turns into the next and the next and before we know it the day is over and we haven’t had a moment to breathe.

3. Put the kids to bed early

This is part of establishing a routine and aside from being good for kids, it’s good for us too. It’s work in the beginning, but kids eventually get used to it and if you stick to it, bedtime isn’t going to be a dreaded battle every night. Sticking to a semi-strict sleep schedule was one of the best things I have done for myself and my mental health. Knowing that by a certain time at night I will *definitely* have a few hours to myself was an important part of getting through each day-especially when they were little. The psychological benefits alone, of having that time to look forward to, make it worth the early bedtime.

4. Simplify Meals

Just about every mom wants to feed her family good home cooked meals, and we often intertwine that notion with the idea that meals have to be complicated and time consuming, but that doesn’t have to be the case.

Some of my kids favourite meals are baked beans on a baked potato with cheese, or bacon and eggs and fruit. They are simple and nutritious. And there’s nothing wrong with some good ol’ chicky nugs and mac and cheese. By allowing ourselves to do the simple, less than perfect meals, it’s one way we can squeeze in more time for us- without the guilt. Check out this website for 20 easy meals kids will love. .

5. Use screen time for breaks

The reality is that when you lack a village or support system, the time you get to yourself is extremely few and far between. Screentime has been unnecessarily villainized and the reality is that it is the EASIEST way to get a break when you have no other option.

Screens are engaging, there is no doubt about it. And there are so many options aside from Netflix and Youtube, with a plethora of educational games and more to choose from like Reading Eggs and Khan Academy for Kids. And if you’re thinking about how bad it is for your child to numb out a screen all day, it doesn’t have to be all day.

You can be an engaged parent who plays and takes your child outside but also makes screen time a part of their day. You’re not a bad mom. In fact, when you get to have a break, you’ll likely come back a better version of yourself.

6. Lower your expectations

If you’re looking for mom tips that are parenting game changers, then this one is it! This can be applied to everything. Meal times. How much you expect yourself to get done in a day. How presentable your kid looks walking out the door. How often you clean. How well you fold laundry. How many things you volunteer for at your kids school. The list goes on. You simply cannot do it all and by trying to, you will only stress yourself out. By taking things off the list and by living by the mantra “done is better than perfect, you will be able to create more opportunities for self care and prioritising you.

Also read: Why a mom diary or mom journal will help you start believing you are a good mom

7. Plan your playtime with them

When you plan out portions of the day where you will be actively engaged with your children in play, you can feel less guilty about the times you are not. This doesn’t mean you can’t include them in cooking and everyday tasks but it is a myth that we need to be actively playing with our children all day long. You have a house to run, you may have work to do, and you have yourself to take care of too.

I’ve always found that rather than half pay attention to my kids for long periods, they and I both prefer shorter bursts of really intentional time. It doesn’t sound like self care, but intentionally playing also means intentionally saying that other points in your days are “me time”.

Also read: How to set boundaries with family and children

8. Budget Money For yourself

Out of all of the tips for moms out there, this one is one of my favourites. Girl, buy yourself some stuff, stop making excuses, spending all your money on the kids and feeling guilty about anything you buy for yourself. You deserve it. Chances are, your kids have more than they need anyway. Maybe it’s a fancy coffee on your errand run, maybe it’s a new outfit, or maybe it’s getting your nails done once in a while. You deserve to treat yourself and not feel bad about it. Strapped for time because your kids are stuck to your hip? Order online, it’s 2022. Treat yo’self.

Is money tight? Check out this blog I made on self-care tips for moms on a low budget.

A recommendation? Arrow it Forward is a fantastic little mama-owned shop that creates beautiful self-care items like this adorable and luscious-smelling candle. They’re branding is on point especially for moms and I love the way they smell!

They also offer beautiful treats, stationary, jewellery, and bath and body items with the most fitting #momlife names. Definitely worth checking out. I even snagged a code, so if you order make sure to use “HONESTMOM15” for 15% off!

9. Hire people

If you can afford to, hire someone to do the things you don’t want to do or don’t have time to do so that you can spend time on what you do want to do. It could be a house cleaner, a babysitter, laundry service, sending your child to daycare, someone to walk the dog or shovel the driveway- anything. Spending even a little bit of money to free up some of your time can make a huge difference. Even getting an extra hour of daycare for your child so that you get some time after work to get something done for yourself is helpful. It’s all about finding ways to carve out some time that doesn’t feel like it currently exists.

10. Stop cleaning your house so much

Tidy and sanitary are two different things. Having a sanitary environment for our kids to live and learn in is essential to their wellbeing. Having everything put away perfectly in its place at all times is not. Houses are meant to be lived in and children live to destroy- at some stages anyway. So give yourself and break and let it be messy sometimes. Find a system that works for you that doesn’t make you feel like you’re living groundhog day over and over. Domestic Blisters on Tiktok has some AMAZING tips on how to keep a functional home that isn’t perfect, how to create systems and how important it is to know that a clean house is morally neutral! Less cleaning = more rest.

Why Self-care for Moms Without a Support System Benefit Short Term and Long Term Well Being

It’s important to create opportunities for self care for your short and long term well being.

Momming without a support system sucks. It just does. It can often feel like everyone around us has someone to step in when needed, whether it’s a supportive partner, a parent or a trusted friend. But I assure you, I speak to women everyday who let me know they don’t have that, and just how hard it is.

You are not alone, and you are not a bad mom for wanting a break, some alone time or a chance to feel like you again.

And if you feel too selfish or guilty for wanting these things or doing them, you shouldn’t. Caring for ourselves is the BEST and most sustainable way we can care for our kids in the long term.

Mommy burnout, exhaustion, and mental health breakdowns are very real things and so much more likely when we neglect to practice self-care or value our physical and emotional needs.

Prioritising you IS being a good mom, and it’s modelling to your kids how they too should treat themselves. And remember you can’t pour from an empty cup.

If no one has told you lately, I see you. I see you day in and day out getting up when you’re tired, giving when you feel like you’re on empty, sacrificing when it feels like there’s no other choice. I see you loving those babies and doing the best with what you’ve got. You are doing a great job and your kids are so lucky to have you.

Even More Self-Care Tips for Moms

If you’re looking for even more self-care tips for moms, check out these other blog articles I wrote that are close to my heart:

50 Free Self-Care Tips for Busy Moms

Self-Care Tips for Moms with a Low Budget

5 Activities to Do with Kids for Moms Who Are Burned Out and Exhausted

In the mood for some encouraging mom content? Check out my “Support Moms” playlist on my Tiktok profile and don’t forget to follow me. Alternatively, come say hi on Instagram.

If this has resonated with you, make sure you follow along and join my Honest Mom’s Insider Circle where you’ll get all my latest updates, special offers and promotions and exclusive content only for subscribers.

- Libby

The ONLY way I have time to read!

The post 10 Self-Care Tips for Moms With Little to No Support System appeared first on Diary of an Honest Mom.

Summer Bucket List for Moms

Libby — Tue, 13 Jun 2023 20:40:51 +0000

A Summer Bucket List with activities that are free or almost free!
(One for you and one for the kids!)

There is so much pressure to enjoy every moment and fit it all in during the summer.

It’s just not possible or necessary.

Whether you are busy working, you can’t afford extravagant things or you just aren’t into all the fuss, you have come to the right place.

If you’d like a realistic summer bucket list of activities for the kids (and also just for you) that are free or very cheap, sign up here and I’ll send the bucket list over in an email shortly!

We Love Summer Activities!

Signed up but you didn’t receive the bucket list? If you’ve checked your spam after 24 hours and there’s still nothing, email: hello@diaryofanhonestmom.com

The post Summer Bucket List for Moms appeared first on Diary of an Honest Mom.

From Struggling to Secure: A New Perspective on Organic

Libby — Fri, 23 Sep 2022 19:25:58 +0000

Is Organic Food Only for the Wealthy?

I grew up in poverty.

I remember frequenting food banks regularly growing up, accustomed to the limits on certain specialized food items (like fresh fruits and vegetables) and toilet paper rolls.

Wherever we were living at the time, the local corner stores knew our family and we usually were in debt to them for the various times we “just needed milk and bread” and they gave it to us out of the goodness of their hearts. I thought that it would be amazing to be an owner of a corner store when I grew up because of all the money they had in their cash registers.

I escaped the cycle of poverty as an adult, but becoming a mom brought on a whole other level of mom shame surrounding food.

I was simply proud of the fact that I fed my children, that we always had food in the fridge and often had home cooked meals. We were in debt to nobody and while we weren’t wealthy, we had enough.

I vividly remember the first time I went to the grocery store and did not have to add up each item as I walked through the store.

It didn’t stop the near anxiety attack I would have at the cash register when it was time to pay by card, because no matter how much money I KNEW we had, I had grown up seeing *declined* more times than I can count.

In this blog you will find

My lived experience and its effects on my perspective of the organic food industry
A behind the scenes glimpse into some of Stonyfield’s organic dairy farms
Some of the things I’ve learned about my preconceived ideas about organic dairy
A ridiculously simple busy moms breakfast recipe is Stonyfield yogurt
A realistic takeaway for those of us who care but think “I can’t do it all”

I’ve always wanted to use my story to do good in the world and if you follow me, you know I do this through supporting moms- especially the ones who are struggling.

I went on an organic dairy farm tour hosted by Stonyfield Organic recently and if I had told that to myself 8 years ago as a new mom, I’d have laughed hysterically.

This might sound harsh, but after growing up how I did and how many children are currently growing up, how their food is produced is unfortunately the last thing on their parents’ minds and the least of their worries. I have written about my exposure to various traumas and for people living in volatile and unsafe situations, it’s hard to find the time or energy to think about organic. But like with many things, my own experiences have shaped my mindset and it’s taken me a long time to move past “I’m safe now, let’s just eat” to “how do my everyday purchases affect the health of my family and also the world we live in?”.

This post is sponsored by Stonyfield but is 100% my true and authentic experience and opinions.

The Impact of Organic Dairy Farming On People, Animals & the Environment

When we arrived at Mollybrook Farm, which recently won Vermont Dairy Farm of the Year 2022, the owners Rhonda and Myles were smiling ear to ear. Hearing Rhonda speak about her cows with more joy and pride than I’ve heard a grandmother speak of her grandkids was the highlight of my trip. Her love for them was infectious and nothing short of obvious, not just in how she spoke but how healthy the cows were.

They shared so much about the dairy farming process. Everything from how hard they have to work to create enough certified organic feed for all the cows, to the daily routine and the in workings of the milking machines to the anecdotal personalities of each individual cow on their farm

The farm has been in Myles’ family for generations and they were the ones to make the transition to organic, a process that takes 3 years. They literally know all the cows by name, and when they give birth, the calves are named with the same first letter of their mothers name. THE SWEETEST.

I had the most delightful time meeting two farming families and hearing their origin stories, seeing their hard work and determination to provide for their families, listening to the struggles they’ve had to face particularly since the pandemic and even getting to pet a 1 day old cow.

Fun fact: I lived on a hobby farm for a few years as a teen and raised some cows from calves. So it was really special to get up close and personal with some again.

Here is the thing: I never would have denied that having less herbicides, pesticides, toxins, antibiotics, hormones and harmful chemicals on or in our food would be better for us.

But, it seemed like just a small thing in comparison to the world’s other problems. After taking the time to learn about Organic farming regulations and how they not only benefit the health the humans, but also the welfare of cows, the health of the soil, the air quality, the livelihoods of farmers and their surrounding communities I’ve come away seeing just how important it is to be intentional about what types of food production I am supporting when I walk through the grocery store.

I also saw that organic dairy and other organic products weren’t created just to be food for the elite, they were actually created TO do good in the world and actually ARE helping to solve a multitude of problems in the world. Namely:

fighting the effects of climate change
reducing carbon emissions
creating healthier soil & surrounding waterways
creating healthier food for humans to ingest
driving rural development
stimulating the local economy as a whole
and so much more.

It’s not more expensive because it’s trying to be fancy. It takes more work and costs more money to produce quality without chemicals, so at the rate people are buying organic it has to cost more.

Organic dairy cows also live much longer, healthier and happier lives because regulations ensure their welfare. Not only are they fed organic feed, they must get time outside everyday, be out to pasture 120 days a year, they are not given hormones or antibiotics (unless as a last resort) and so much more. Organic farms are also generally smaller because they require more work to run, which leads to healthier cows who get more attention.

As a values driven person who has walked through many hard things and sees the struggles of many people, I am determined to leave the world a better place than I have found it. After taking the time to really dive into what Organic ACTUALLY means, and not what social media has twisted it to mean and make you feel, I can’t know what I know now and not do anything.

Busy Moms’ Breakfast Recipe

Busy moms have so much to think about in a day. We are on information overload. We want to do what is right but there are often 5000 versions of “right” coming from every direction and we don’t have the time or energy to decipher what is the most reputable information or important thing to focus on. I am all about supporting moms in what they value. The tour of Stonyfield Organic dairy farms has shown me much organic does align with my values and so I present to you: an easy breakfast recipe for busy moms.

A recipe for busy moms: Yogurt & Granola

½ cup of Stonyfield organic probiotic vanilla whole milk yogurt
¼ cup fresh sliced strawberries
¼ cup of sliced ripe bananas
¼ cup of homemade or store bought granola

In all seriousness, how we feed our kids is a hot topic in modern day mom culture and how the media advocates for Organic can unfortunately cause mothers to feel judged and stop listening. We all want to be good moms and nourish our children and when it’s suggested we are doing something other than that, it hurts. Many of us want to contribute to making a difference to the health of our families and to the world around us but it can all get too overwhelming sometimes.

Making Small Changes to Do Good in the World

“The health of soil, plant, animal and people is one and indivisible”

- Sir Albert Howard Tweet

When I sat down with Co-Founder Gary Hirshberg at dinner on our last evening of the tour, I explained to him the predicament I have a

Stonyfield yogurt is delicious and it’s free from pesticides and other harmful chemicals. If someone said that to me not long ago, I likely would have agreed and then thought I had better things to spend my money on or worry about. I want to help other people, not just focus on my own family’s well-being. But I now see the values behind Stonyfield, and the wider organic community. Organic is not just sustainable and good not just for people, but for animals, for business and for the planet.

I’ve decided to make little changes where I can to support this type of food production, and not because I have felt shamed or guilted into doing so, but because I have seen first hand the positive effects it has on the world around me.

Let me know what you think in the comments and drop any questions you have about the tour! And don’t forget to follow along on Tiktok and Instagram. And if no one has told you lately, you are doing a great job.

As an advocate for struggling mothers: across North America many families don’t have the choice to buy everything organic even if they wanted to. His response was filled with genuine understanding and empathy. He said “we’re not asking everyone to change everything, we just ask that you do what you can”.

That is manageable, I thought. We can’t do it all, but many of us can do something.

The post From Struggling to Secure: A New Perspective on Organic appeared first on Diary of an Honest Mom.

Healing from Generational Trauma: Boundaries and Empathy Can Co-Exist

Libby — Mon, 29 Aug 2022 14:08:04 +0000

Healing from Generational Trauma: Boundaries and Empathy Can Co-Exist

I knew that my childhood wasn’t like that of the kids I grew up with and that my relationship with my mom was out of the ordinary, but it wasn’t until I grew up and had my own kids, that I truly recognized how toxic it was – and how hurt she also was.

What do we imagine a mother to be? What does she look like? What is she doing? What feelings come up when you’re thinking of her?

The only mom I knew was the one I had, and when I looked to the media as I grew up I didn’t recognize those characters as ones that I recognized.

These movies would always portray the mother-figure as one who was understanding, patient and kind, the maker of meals and the kisser of boo-boos. She would hold her children in a warm embrace when they were sad, and wipe away their tears, assuring them everything would be ok, because she was there.

These mothers, the Lorelei Gilmore and June Cleaver moms… even Elastigirl from ‘The Incredibles’, were problem solvers, held their children’s trust, were their child’s protection and their guide through difficult situations. These mothers would always do the best they could, and the children always seem to know that their mothers loved them more than anything in the entire world.

This might be the reality for some people but my reality was a lot closer to that of the 1981 film “Mommy Dearest”. If you know, you know.

Growing up with trauma at the hand of someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally and protect you and guide you and comfort you has lasting impacts.

Recognizing that my own mothers trauma is what caused her to be the mother she was, was an important step to me truly empathizing with her. Recognizing that even if that is true, I still need to protect my peace and create boundaries, was a whole other thing. And it was hard. I care so much which is why boundaries felt so mean in the first place. But boundaries were actually the kind thing. For me, and for her.

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Disclaimer:

I discuss my very personal relationship with my mother in this blog. And while the purpose of sharing to is let others know they aren’t alone and encourage them to hold boundaries WHILE extending empathy, I am aware that this is not just MY story. I do not take lightly the hurt that comes from others sharing our wrongdoings, but in the name of the greater good: I hope those who can relate are inspired to go on a healing journey themselves. The intention is to heal, not to hurt.

I am not an expert. I am not a professional. I am simply sharing my experience in hopes that it may help you. If you are in distress or struggling with your mental health, I highly recommend seeking professional support through your doctor or other health professional.Know that there is always someone with the skills and tools who can help you.

Mothering While Breaking the Cycle of Generational Trauma

When I became a mom, I quickly realized how deep of a scar the trauma of my childhood left on my adult self. I knew I needed to find a way to manage the feelings I was having about my memories and the person who was responsible for them. My mom, who I love, was still a part of my life and our relationship was still far from ideal.

I have worked SO HARD on creating a peaceful life for myself and my children full of all the things I lacked as a child. I had to teach myself how to mother and how I wanted to parent because it was not modelled to me. I have learned so many lessons throughout my journey of healing from generational trauma, and creating healthy boundaries was one of them.

Allowing empathy and love to excuse toxic behaviour

I grew up with a mother who made choices that prevented me from feeling safe, feeling confident, or feeling loved; so much so that when I once opened up as a teen about the difficulties I was experiencing, I was met with anger and an assurance that my feelings weren’t legitimate.

It made me question my sanity. It made me question my memories.

For many years I believe I had forgiven my mom for what I went through as a teen and child. I saw the pain that she had gone through too, and desperately tried to help her understand, to grow or to fix her problems. While my mom hurt me, I was conditioned to believe that her happiness and fulfilment was ultimately my responsibility. I mean, there was no one else so I had no choice, right? Wrong.

I said yes for many years, came to her rescue, agreed when I shouldn’t have, given when I shouldn’t have and ignored my own needs and desires. I have since learned that is called a co-dependant relationship.

My love for her was enabling many of her choices and behaviours that were both damaging to her and to me. It took me a long time to realize that my needs, desires and time are valuable, and that saying no was necessary for my peace. Saying no was the healthy thing to do.

My own mom’s trauma and difficult circumstances trumped my own for too long. It took me going to therapy and reading a lot of books to realize I could love her and feel for her while not bearing her load for her.

I now have tools to manage these emotions and understand what boundaries I need to have in place. One important part about creating and upholding the boundaries you’ve set with the ones you love is to remember they are personal to you and can change, become stronger, or fall away as you move through the ebbs and flows of life.

In his article on holding space for Psychology Today, John Kim, LMFT, put it quite simply: “At the end of the day, it means to not make it about you. That’s it. Holding space means to make it about someone else. Plain and simple.”

Learning to hold space for my mother, the trauma she caused and how it affected my childhood and journey through motherhood was a tremendous weight lifted off of my shoulders. I had carried that with me and held responsibility for her actions for so long. Embracing this new space felt like removing the shackles that gripped me so tightly to these experiences and putting them in a box labelled ‘mother’ and tucking them away in a place where they wouldn’t be staring at me in the face every single day.

Codependency: How Boundaries, empathy and boundaries intersect

Truly empathizing with my mother, her struggles, her traumas, and her lack of knowledge or unwillingness to change, allowed me to embrace myself and my childhood experiences in a way that I never thought possible. The way she mothered wasn’t about me, it was about her. Simply recognizing that has made it possible for me to hold that space for her, the space that wasn’t there before, and wasn’t my responsibility to take on.

Trust me when I say that I know it’s a lot easier said than done to set strong boundaries with the ones you love. But you know what it feels like? It feels something like when you squeeze all of your muscles in your body as tightly as you can – your face is all scrunchy, shoulders are up, fists are clenched and toes are curled: And then you release. Ahhhh. That sense of letting go.

This is what can happen when you learn to empathize with the person who caused you trauma and hold space, not responsibility, for them.

@diaryofanhonestmom It’s been a long hard lesson in life #codependency #codependencyrecovery #narcabuse #narcissist #narcissisticparent #Toxicfamily #Toxicfamily ♬ The Journey – Sol Rising

My hope for you is that holding space and learning to empathize while creating healthy boundaries is something you can work toward in your life as part of your healing journey.

Empathizing and holding space for my mother has been one of the most valuable lessons I have learned on my healing journey. If you’re looking for more resources outside of seeking help from a professional, you can head over to this list of book recommendations I have on healing and breaking the cycles of generational trauma.

Let me know in the comment section if you are on a healing journey and what it looks like for you to be empathetic while also holding boundaries.

I’m on TikTok and Instagram @diaryofanhonestmom so make sure you are following along. And hey, I would love for you to become a part of the Honest Mom Circle if this kind of content is your jam.

- Libby

The post Healing from Generational Trauma: Boundaries and Empathy Can Co-Exist appeared first on Diary of an Honest Mom.

10 Cycle Breaking & Generational Trauma Healing Instagram Accounts to Follow

Libby — Tue, 26 Jul 2022 11:26:22 +0000

Finding Support in Healing Trauma Through Social Media

When I became a mother, I knew I wanted to raise my children differently than how I had been raised but I had no idea how raw it would make me feel or how hard it would be without an example of who I was trying to be. That was 8 years ago and during a time when the phrases “cycle breaker” or “generational trauma” were not in my vocabulary.

But that’s exactly what I was trying to do… break cycles of generational trauma.

Say what you will about the internet and social media but I for one am eternally grateful for the humans who put their time and energy into creating free content for the rest of the world so we can be entertained, learn, and connect.

I began following these accounts in the last 2 years and each of them have helped me and my Instagram communities in insurmountable ways. What a treasure to be a part of a generation that has access to cycle breaking resources such as these and so much more.

Seeing the value they put out on such a consistent basis gives me such hope that more families will become cycle breakers, and we won’t just change the trajectory of our kids’ lives but those of children and adults for generations to come.

I’m so excited to share with you my favourite accounts to follow for cycle breaking and living with trauma. So if you’re a mama living with trauma, you’re on your healing journey, or you’re just beginning to understand what cycle breaking is…

Here are some amazing accounts to inspire, uplift and educate you:

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10 Accounts To Follow For Moms Cycle Breaking Generational Trauma

A Must Follow: The Good Inside Method with @drbeckyatgoodinside

We’re all looking for parenting advice and with so much out there, it’s hard to know where to turn. Dr. Becky is a clinical psychologist, author, content creator and mom of three. She’s an expert in parenting and shows you how to parent in a way that feels good with her ‘Good Inside’ method, where she put her knowledge in attachment, mindfulness, emotion regulation, and internal family systems theory into practical parenting strategies that focus on the parent behind the parenting, and the child behind the behaviour.

I Love Dr. Becky because she offers practical advice that focuses on building a strong emotional connection with your child. Also, her Instagram feed is super easy to navigate and search for something specific because her posts are graphics with the subject matter right there for you to choose from.

You can pre-order her book ‘Good Inside’ here.

Be More Conscious with @itstheconsciousmom

According to healthline, “Conscious parenting is a term used by various psychologists (and others) to describe a style of parenting that usually focuses more on the parent and how mindfulness can drive parenting choices.”

Erin Morrison, aka ‘The Conscious Mom’, creates conscious parenting content that provides a new and fresh perspective on parenting where the parent is asked to truly look inward and reflect on themselves and their choices, breaking the parenting cycles they’ve been accustomed to in order to build a strong emotional connection with their children and learn to discipline through that connection instead of simply reacting.

Erin is a certified Conscious Parenting Coach who received training from world-renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Shefali. This, combined with her two masters degrees in Psychological Counselling, time as a corporate counsellor and as a mother of two makes her an invaluable resource for parents everywhere.

You can purchase her Introduction to Conscious Parenting Course here.

Code Conscious20 will get 20% off until August 31st, 2022

Embrace Peaceful Parenting with @destini.ann

Certified parenting coach, author and spokesperson for the Jai Institute for Parenting, Destini Ann Davis is a working mom who advocates for peaceful parenting and positive discipline techniques that encourage both the parent and child to connect and communicate.

Destini serves up real and raw personal parenting experiences along with real-life resolutions to common parenting problems – such a relatable and refreshing account to follow.

Some of the resources she offers aside from her incredible free content on social media include parenting classes, a 12-week coaching program, and her book ‘Very Intentional Parenting’ that focuses on improving yourself so you can be a better parent for your kids.

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Parenting Toddlers to Teens with @highimpactclub

Marcela Collier is a mom of twins and a certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator who believes in responding to your child’s behaviours with exactly what they need.

She uses her online presence to provide parenting solutions for all areas of parenting. What I love about this account is that she not only focuses on parenting our little ones, but our big kids too, offering specific resources for parents of tweens and teens. I’m not quite there, but am eager to check it out so I can be better prepared for when I do become a tween mom in a few short years.

You can also check out Marcela on her cycle-breaking podcast Parenting with Understanding with fellow parenting coach Rachel Rogers.

Re-mothering and Cycle Breaking with @raising_yourself

As her Instagram handle suggests, Shelly Robinson believes we need to ‘Re-Mother’ ourselves. She shows us how to take real care of ourselves (and is a constant reminder as to WHY we deserve this), connect with our kids, and break the negative parenting patterns we grew up with by creating NEW habits.

Shelly Robinson is a holistic family wellness coach, workshop facilitator and conscious parenting advocate. She created a ‘Rebirth Journal’ as a guide to raising yourself, getting clear about where you are, who you are, and what you want, while taking you step by step through breaking intergenerational cycles and writing a new, desirable story for your whole family. I just love all of this and am grateful for the work she is doing.

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Discipline Through a Child’s Eyes with @mrchazz

Chazz Lewis has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to breaking cycles and truly shows up as an exemplary human who has dedicated his life to developing a more conscious, informed, joyful, dignity-driven approach to parenting.

Through his massive social media presence, he shows us life through a child’s eyes and how we can better respond to their struggles. This is just a fraction of the good he is contributing to the world.

He is a coach to both parents and teachers where he demonstrates how to enjoy raising/helping to develop children by earning their trust and turning power struggles into cooperative independence. He is currently in the process of writing a book (can’t wait!), offers online courses, runs a podcast, and hosts a YouTube channel that helps kids build social and emotional skills.

Laugh, Cry and Break Cycles with @diaryofanhonestmom

It’s me! How could I not? If you don’t know me, my name is Libby and I’m an imperfect mom of two. Sometimes I make people laugh, sometimes I make you cry- in a good way. Through personal experience and my degree in sociology, I am able to understand the complexity and nuance of the motherhood experience and meet moms wherever they’re at in their motherhood journey.

I used to think I was alone in my struggles as a mom until I started sharing my cycle breaking and parenting journey on social media. In the last two years over 1M people have started following me on TikTok and Instagram after watching my honest and relatable motherhood content.

I am a mental health advocate and I’m committed to ensuring moms know that breaking the cycles of childhood and generational trauma is possible.

This rapid growth on social media has lead to being featured on Global News, Motherly, Insider and media outlets around the world, as well as on several amazing motherhood podcasts like The Mom Room and This Family Tree.

I like to show that by taking care of ourselves, and taking one step at a time, we will be better equipped to be the moms we want to be. My aim is to build a community of moms who don’t feel alone, to provide helpful resources and share my personal experience. Come join me!

Become Whole Again with @consiousmommmy

Bryanna offers conscious parenting coaching and workshops where she supports parents in becoming whole again, which in turn allows for them to raise healthy, happy whole children.

She’s been featured on some amazing podcasts with fellow creators and mental health professionals to give insight on various subjects from attachment and conscious parenting to how to foster independent play.

I’m also very intrigued by the course she offers on raising conscious siblings…Can you imagine what that might be like? I’m here for it.

She recognizes that there is no quick fix to becoming a conscious parent, but that the extensive work that is done has the greatest reward: An honest and fulfilling connection with your child.

Retrain Your Brain with @sarahjacksoncoaching

If you’re looking for something beyond parenting support, Sarah’s your girl. She shows up online to help you release stored trauma, rewire your brain, and practice embodied faith – and she’s doing a great job. These specific teachings are offered on socials, as well as in a much deeper way in her monthly virtual classes.

She offers both individual and group coaching sessions in her areas of expertise: Retraining the limbic system, nervous system impacted by trauma, emotional integration, grief recovery, drawing rational boundaries to facilitate healing, addressing shame and soul care. Follow her for a more in-depth look into your trauma, or use the amazing coping techniques she shares regularly.

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Change the Cultural Conversation surrounding Motherhood with @drsophiebrock

Dr. Sophie is an eye-opening creator and educator to follow because she helps moms understand the wider social context we are mothering in.

This quote from her ‘About Me’ page sums up her work quite nicely: “To connect to the authenticity of who we are, we first have to deconstruct who it is the world expect(ed) of us.”

That perspective is enough to give me chills and really re-evaluate the pressure I put on myself daily. Did I put this pressure on myself or is it the outside world and its expectations?

Dr. Sophie received her PhD in sociology just before becoming a mother. She currently teaches Motherhood Studies to moms as well as others who wish to work with mothers or are currently doing so and she also has a podcast. Her purpose is to contribute to changing the cultural conversation on Motherhood and the individual experiences of Mothers, creating a world where Mothers feel empowered, supported and valued.

This work is so valuable and I didn’t even know it existed until recently. I’m so glad I’ve uncovered this gem of a woman.

The Power in Knowing You’re Not Alone in Cycle Breaking is Strong

Breaking cycles of emotional neglect, trauma and shame is exponentially hard, and often lonely.

I’m so grateful to be a part of a generation of parents who have free access to support, knowledge, and resources like the ones provided by these accounts.

It may be the hardest thing I have ever done but it is the most important and I am proud to call myself a cycle breaker. If I could leave you with one piece of advice it would be to give yourself grace and take it one day at a time. We cannot do this overnight.

Did you notice any similarities with the approaches discussed here? I did, and it makes total sense: They all make it a top priority to heal yourself.

In many cases, they disclose that it’s not possible to parent in the way that you would like to unless you too are on your path to healing your traumas.

So cheers to healing my friends! Again, I’m beyond grateful for the purpose I am serving to my community here and hope that I continue to inspire you and make you feel supported on your journey.

I’m on TikTok and Instagram as @diaryofanhonestmom. My free Honest Mom’s Circle is where I’ll be sharing anything new and exciting I have going on and sending out some valuable little nuggets of knowledge, tips and favourite things to your inbox. If you’re interested in joining, click HERE! I’d love to connect with you.

- Libby

The post 10 Cycle Breaking & Generational Trauma Healing Instagram Accounts to Follow appeared first on Diary of an Honest Mom.

The 6 Best Self-Help Books for Personal Growth

Libby — Sun, 24 Jul 2022 15:45:40 +0000

The ONLY way I have time to read!

Your Path to Personal Development With Self-help books

When I entered adulthood I had literally no idea what I was doing. I didn’t have role models that I wanted to be like and I didn’t know where to find them. All I knew is that there seemed to be women out there in the world who were confident, connected and really good at self acceptance.

I struggled with poor self esteem, negative thoughts, resentment, perfectionism, people pleasing, a severe lack of boundaries and just generally struggled to know who I was or how to find out. After growing up in a volatile home, I knew I wanted a different life but didn’t know how to get there.

Reading was the thing that opened the door to me finding out who I was, what I valued, that I was VALUABLE, and how to start acting like I believed it.

It’s truly beautiful to witness and be a part of the current movement of self-discovery, self-help and personal development, particularly with respect to motherhood. We’re breaking cycles, barriers and some of the perceived rules of motherhood and I’m SO proud of us.

There are many avenues to educate and uplift ourselves and sometimes that can become overwhelming, so I’m sharing these 6 books on personal development to add some simplicity to your journey.

Finding the right book can be overwhelming since the self-help section at your local bookstore has literally hundreds of options, making it hard to determine what might work for you and what authors ‘click’ with your personality.

@diaryofanhonestmom Happy International Self Care Day #selfcare #motherhood #thehonestmom #honestmom #Mentalhealth #momtruth #careforyourself #selflove #youmatter #momsmatter ♬ original sound – The Honest Mom

Self-Help Books DO Help

When I’m not creating relatable TikToks and Instagram Reels you can most definitely find me listening to an audiobook while I clean or walk or drive or do anything. I struggle to sit down and read, but audiobooks are an incredible way for me to digest books!

As someone who’s deep in the trenches of breaking the cycles of generational trauma, I’ve done a lot of “self help” reading over the years. I whole-heartedly recommend these 6 books by some of my most favourite and celebrated authors because of their immense contribution to my own personal development and growth.

Some of these books are a big part of the reason I create content online so boldly today. They have shaped me in so many amazing ways.

They have also played a role in me writing my own guided journal for struggling moms. It too, has helped change my life.

Support Your Personal Healing Journey with these Self-Help Books

As promised, here are my top 6 book recommendations for personal development. I’ve written a little blurb on each of them to make it easier for you to decide which one would be best for you to start with based on your individual situation.

You’ve probably heard about one/all of these well-known book titles, but I’m excited to introduce you to them with some quick and helpful words on HOW they can actually help you.

Let’s dive in!

Also read: 3 Benefits of Journal Prompts for Mental Health

1. Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown

“Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission.” Brene Brown, Braving the Wilderness

Did that quote pierce straight through to the little-girl version of yourself?

As a kid walking through the hallways of middle school on your way to class, to a full-grown adult attending a business meeting – we have all been there, eyes darting around, searching to see how we compare, how we stand up to the rest of them; wanting to fit in comes naturally, after all.

In her book ‘Braving the Wilderness’, Brene Brown teaches us to give ourselves permission to BE ourselves instead of always trying to fit in.

In her 4-step process, she guides you through the importance of authenticity, bravery, trust and vulnerability to a place, or wilderness, where you are able to welcome the fact that the greatest sense of belonging, and the most important, is the belonging to yourself.

Discovering this will allow you to live more genuinely and find groups of like minded people.

It’s not an easy mountain to climb, but the view from the top is unparalleled.

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2. Untamed by Glennon Doyle

“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that there was something wrong with me. I quit spending my life trying to control myself and began to trust myself.” Glennon Doyle, Untamed

I talk about this a LOT when I share on socials, specifically surrounding motherhood and how it is HARD. You are doing HARD things; life is hard and there is nothing wrong with you. Kind of like the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ scenario where it’s not you, it’s motherhood.

That’s the exact sentiment of Glennon Doyle’s book Untamed. Doyle will take you through her journey of awakening and how she came to her realizations and eventually the freeing of herself.

This book is for you if you feel like your authentic self has been held captive by societal expectations and you are ready to break free.

3. Atomic Habits by James Clearor Trauma Healing and Cycle Breaking

“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.” James Clear, Atomic Habits

What I love about the perspective offered in Atomic Habits is that you don’t need to make a monumental change in your life all at once to be making a difference. In fact, it’s all of the little things that make the biggest difference in who you are.

In this book, James Clear will show you easy and fun ways to create and implement good habits in your life and get rid of the bad behaviours.

Going cold-turkey and dramatic modifications that often end with you feeling like a failure when they don’t work out are OUT, and crafting small, positive, habitual routines in your life over time are IN – grab this book to start making these little but impactful transformations in your life today.

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4. Becoming by Michelle Obama

“If you don’t get out there and define yourself, you’ll quickly and inaccurately be defined by others.” Michelle Obama, Becoming

This deeply personal story is a true reflection of the strength, vision and courage of Michelle Obama. She has done so much good in this world with these attributes, and writing this memoir to share her experience and offer advice has been a true gift.

In her memoir ‘Becoming’, Michelle tells us the story of her life as a little girl, young adult, first lady, and beyond. She highlights how the teachings of her parents, to be authentic and stand up for herself and what she believes in, brought her to where she is today – living her life with a greater purpose.

She illustrates how you, too, can do great things, things that are important to you. She encourages you to embody the person you truly are with dedication, hard work, and a belief in yourself. The hard part is to push past the naysayers and curve-balls life tends to throw, but it’s worth it.

YOU are worth it.

5. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” Brene Brown, Gifts of Imperfection

Who wants to love the dark, shameful parts of themselves? Brene says we all should and that by doing so, we can only then step into and own our story.

We are all familiar with the term ‘Instagram vs Reality’. Brene’s book shows us how to live and embrace the reality part, and throw the fake perceptions we bestow upon others, the ‘Instagram’ part, in the trash.

Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown will take you through 10 parts of your life that you need to let go of in order to live wholeheartedly. She will enlighten you to the importance of vulnerability and how being vulnerable will give way to beautiful and meaningful connection with yourself and with others. One of the best reminders in this book: Making these changes is an on-going process, not a milestone to achieve.

6. Fierce Free and Full of Fire by Jen Hatmaker

“It takes a while to figure ourselves out, that’s all. If you are young in this, keep going. If you are further along, don’t be afraid to challenge an old paradigm when new internal evidence presents itself to the contrary.” Jen Hatmaker, Fierce, Free and Full of Fire

Jen Hatmaker’s latest book ‘Fierce, Free and Full of Fire’ is pretty much the cheerleader you’ve been waiting for to just fill you with an immense sense of strength and belief that you are EXACTLY who you need to be. There’s no need to hold back, shrink yourself, or worry about what anyone else thinks of you because God loves you, and YOU love you. And that’s enough.

Hatmaker will also get you out of your comfort zone when she encourages you to challenge your current belief systems and truths you’ve previously accepted when new information and gut feelings are telling you otherwise.

She simultaneously shares her own struggles and how she has overcome them while giving advice that will inspire you to unleash your truths – advice that is backed-up with factual evidence from experts in various fields; and all in a very relatable way. Kind of like a conversation with a friend.

Her words will hurl you into a state of being where you feel there is no other option but to be the person you want to be with so much conviction – to be fierce, free and full of fire.

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Start Reading Self-Help Books to Keep Growing

These 6 books are clever, life-altering works of genius.

I’m undeniably moved by the words that grace these pages and the authors that were brave enough to share them with all of us.

Moving out of our stagnant complacency, stepping into our authenticity and accepting all parts of ourselves is easier said than done, but as these authors tell us through their stories, trial and error and experiences, it’s key to live the life we are longing for. I love that we can address hard things while also embracing life and fun at its fullest.

Particularly for moms, books like these prove:

It’s ok to want more
It’s ok to work toward our dreams, even when that means dedicating a little less of ourselves to our families
Mom-guilt be gone – we deserve to get out there and do things that bring us joy

It’s actually more than ok; it’s necessary.

These books are a great resource for life and can translate to all areas we are struggling with, and parenting is no exception. To be a better parent, we first need to better ourselves.

Right? Let’s do it. Together. Let’s keep this movement of self-discovery going and change what we’ve been told motherhood should be for future generations.

Like I said before, I would absolutely love to hear where you’re at in your journey and how one or more of these titles I’ve shared with you has given you the perspective you needed to take you another step further in sharing your light to the world.

I’d love for you to join my Honest Mom’s Circle so I can let you know when I post a new blog, like this one, and all other goings on with @diaryofanhonestmom

Thanks for being here and I hope that simply reading my blog has shifted your perspective and curiosity just a little. Have a great day!

- Libby

The ONLY way I have time to read!

The post The 6 Best Self-Help Books for Personal Growth appeared first on Diary of an Honest Mom.

Diary of an Honest Mom

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How to practice honesty: the 5 Cs

1. Compassion

2. Clarity

3. Circumstances

4. Capacity

5. Change

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Discover the Honest Mom Journal Today

A Mom Journal Helps to Stop Comparing and Start Looking Inwards

Dear mom diary…What’s A “Good Mom?”

Peek Into My Mom Journal to See How I Faced My Own Realities As a Mom

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Mom Journaling: Being a Good Mom Involves Taking Time to Think About Your Circumstances, Your Capacity and Your Values

The Honest Mom Journal

3 Benefits of Journal Prompts for Mental Health

Journaling Prompts for Mental Health

The Honest Mom Journal: The struggling moms guide to struggling less. See it on Amazon:

>>At the end, try one of my own journal prompts that I use every morning

What is a journal prompt?

Journal prompts to process emotions

Journaling for mental health

Therapeutic journal prompts

The science behind journaling and writing things down

Journal prompts for moms

Benefit #1: Journaling for mental health improves our self-talk

Benefit #2: Journal prompts for mental health help us re-discover ourselves

Benefit #3: Journal prompts for mental health help set your priorities straight

How to get the most out of journal prompts for mental health

Pick a journaling tool with prompts that speak to you

Self care journaling prompts

Start a simple journaling routine

Don’t overthink it - just start writing

Final thoughts and a journal prompt

Order your journal today

Moms: How to Set Boundaries with Family and Children

The ONLY way I have time to read!

What are healthy boundaries?

Here are my top 5 tips to set healthy boundaries with family:

boundaries with kids Tip #1: It’s OK to Say No

Boundaries With Family Tip #2: Check in with Yourself

setting boundaries with family Tip #3: What You Share is Your Choice

Healthy Boundary Tip #4: Make a List

Boundaries with Family Tip #5: Ask for help

The Boundaries With Family & Kids Helps Us to Enjoy Motherhood Because we Have Energy for the Yeses

- Libby

The ONLY way I have time to read!

10 Self-Care Tips for Moms With Little to No Support System

The ONLY way I have time to read!

Self-care tips for Moms Without a Support System Feels Like a Myth

You Matter: Why It’s Important To Value Your Own Well-Being as a Mom

mom Tips for Self-care for Moms Without a Support System

1. Say no to mom guilt

2. Follow a Schedule

3. Put the kids to bed early

4. Simplify Meals

5. Use screen time for breaks

6. Lower your expectations

7. Plan your playtime with them

8. Budget Money For yourself

9. Hire people

10. Stop cleaning your house so much

Why Self-care for Moms Without a Support System Benefit Short Term and Long Term Well Being

Even More Self-Care Tips for Moms

The ONLY way I have time to read!

Summer Bucket List for Moms

A Summer Bucket List with activities that are free or almost free! (One for you and one for the kids!)

We Love Summer Activities!

From Struggling to Secure: A New Perspective on Organic

Is Organic Food Only for the Wealthy?

The Impact of Organic Dairy Farming On People, Animals & the Environment

Busy Moms’ Breakfast Recipe

Making Small Changes to Do Good in the World

The Honest Mom Journal: The struggling moms guide to struggling less.
See it on Amazon:

A Summer Bucket List with activities that are free or almost free!
(One for you and one for the kids!)

Healing from Generational Trauma: Boundaries and Empathy Can Co-Exist

Healing from Generational Trauma: Boundaries and Empathy Can Co-Exist